Letting go to grow

Autumn is my favourite time of year. 

The light changes – the sunshine touches everything with golden light, and I suddenly notice the definition of every single leaf because the colours have changed individually for each leaf, and I recognise a change in my perspective.

The days get shorter, so I appreciate the daylight hours more than I do in summer when the days seem endless.

Summer is great, but to me it seems like everything is uniformly green, and I don’t notice any variation in the leaves.

In autumn, I suddenly realise that the leaves have changed, and every tree has its own range of colours, from deep orange to auburn to reds and yellows and browns.

And the trees lose their leaves so that new leaves can grow in spring in the new year.  So, although the tree trunk remains the same, when the leaves fall and new leaves grow, it is not the same tree.* 

I was reminded of this when playing underwater charades with friends in the pool recently - I thought I had blown out all the air in my lungs, and couldn’t understand the reason I wasn’t able to get down to the bottom of the pool. Then I realised that even when I had let go of all the air I *thought* I had, there was still more I could let out.

I had to trust and let go of even more, and then I could float down to the bottom of the pool. And I knew I would get back up to the surface again.

And so it is with my Dyspraxia and ADD, I learned and adopted many ways of doing things and thoughts I believed to live my life. Some of these ways of doing things have been effective; some of them have not been as effective. As I learn about myself, and become more aware of my strengths and my challenges, however, I am evolving new ways to do things more effectively. I change a little every day, just as the leaves on the tree change colour every day.

And come the spring next year, I will no longer be the same tree, and new leaves can grow.

Lynn 

Dyspraxic Pioneer

* In May I wrote a blog piece recognising how I have changed since moving to Oxford, based on Heraclitus's quotation, "No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and he is not the same man". 

If you would like to read it, you can find it along with other posts on my blog, Lynn's Pearls of Wisdom

Learning to write with my Left Hand

I was officially diagnosed with Dyspraxia and ADD a year ago.

In that year, I have learned a lot about technology, I've learned a lot about my work, but mostly I've learned a lot about myself, and I've gone back to make sense of my life as a whole.

 

And whilst I still "haven't got it all figured out just yet," to quote Alanis Morisettte*, with every day I'm getting "closer to fine"**.

 

In the past year, I've got myself assessed and officially diagnosed. I've applied for and been granted funding and new technology, and every day I'm learning new ways, new strategies, and meeting new people to help me succeed. Part of the learning is sessions with Dyslexia Assessment & Consultancy, a company that specialises in diagnosing and training people with Dyspraxia and Dyslexia, and each time it adds a new piece to the puzzle.

 
In a way, I feel as though I have discovered I am lefthanded after years of writing with my right hand. It feels as though I am now learning to write with my left hand, hence this blog.

 

I injured my right hand recently, and the fact that I actually had voice to text software available, meant that it was an opportunity to familiarise myself with it because it was already in place.

 

So this blog is here to share my insights and my learning and to share my story and to tell people about what's out there. Ever since I was diagnosed, and I started telling people, it's amazing how often people have said "my sister/my uncle/my cousin is Dyslexic/Dyspraxic, is ADD." One friend has even been an amanuensis, and it's opened up doors that were not there before.

 

And whilst I'm still learning to come to terms with it, every day it makes a little more sense. Because really I'm just learning to write with my left hand.

 

Below is the post I wrote about 18 months ago, when I decided to tell people, including my boss. I'm reposting it here because I feel that this is a separate forum, and each of us is a pioneer in our environment. I feel that the other blog(s) that I write, have got their own audience and meaning and that this needs its own space, and room to breathe.

 

~ Seeing the real you ~
 

Lynn
Dyspraxic Pioneer

  

*Alanis Morisette - "Hand in My Pocket", Alanis Morisette and Glen Ballard, Maverick (1995)
**Indigo Girls - "Closer to Fine", Amy Ray and Emily Saliers, Epic Records (1989)