Recently I have begun to actually feel that I am changing, that I have changed.
I suppose others have started to see it, but I have not been ready to believe it. I can see glimpses of the woman I am becoming, and occasionally I look back and can see how far I have come.
Even though it sometimes feels as if time has passed, and I haven't necessarily got proof outwardly I have changed – a new relationship, a child, a house, or even a car – when I meet people from my past or reflect on people I used to spend time with, I can see it.
I have grown. Most of all, I can feel it, like a second skin that I am ready to embrace, because the old one has become old, dried out and restrictive.
I suppose a snake isn't the most flattering image to describe this, but I don't feel that a butterfly emerging from a chrysalis is the right one either. It doesn't feel strong enough, or substantial enough to reflect how I feel about the me that is emerging.
And perhaps I don't want to think about the chrysalis, or of my former self as a caterpillar.
Perhaps this new me was there all along, partially visible to me and people who could see me – see my potential, and now that I've had the time to really get to know myself, inside out, and to understand the challenges unique to me with my Dyspraxia and ADD, I can recognise that old habits and behaviours no longer serve me. And now that I can see that old skin, that old me, I can become willing to let it go, and leave it behind, in whatever way that is.
And I need to trust that the new skin will be more reflective of the woman I am becoming, and visible to everyone, not just a select few.
I need to give that new skin, and me, time to adjust and feel right.
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